wanting that dream to come true

these past couple of days, i find myself very confused and yet knowing what i have to do. but if i just scream it out, would it have any affect? would i get atleast a smile from my cry? or better yet, get the same scream back like i so badly want? after so long, why do i find things different and have the sudden urge to scream it out, i don't know.. i guess, it's one of those things that can't be explained. all i know is, i just want to scream it out.

i don't know what's happening with everything and i do not know why second chances were given even though it wasn't deserved at all. i guess i should just let mistakes be made and i just keep scratching my head.. although i find it intriguing that it was admitted to be a mistake and yet, still let it continue..

so now, what's stopping me from screaming it out?

1. i'm leaving soon (although, it won't bother me that much.)
2. the mistake
3. putting it into words
4. jeopardising a treasured friendship

i think no. 3 isn't much of a problem. dashboard confessional's song hit it right on.

i know what i need to do but confused as to actually do it or not. i just need a sign. a simple one and i'll scream it out. but til then, i'll just shine in a dream and hopefully you'll hear my screams.

one more week

it's 11:30pm now and i am completely rejuvenated from yesterday's long and eventful day. after waking up early yesterday, i wanted to go out and do something but i didn't know where to go and had nothing in mind to do. then, i recieved a call that would change all that. dee called me asking for a favour. she needed to do some errands that morning and i was more than happy to help. it also gave me a chance to spend some time with an old friend. ':) so off we went with a list in hand. did some grocery shopping and we found everything except for that elusive pisang emas. although.. it didn't help that both of us didn't even know what pisang emas looks like, there weren't ANY type of bananas around. so, the search for the yellow fruit was abandoned. the whole errand didn't take us long to finish. it was too bad cause i was having fun just hanging out.

after sending dee home, i went back to pick up my sister from school. i didn't even kill the engine and was out the door again. this time, mash called me up asking for a favour. she wanted company as she goes around trying to fix her car's headlight. we had lunch at manjaro and met up with ikram there. we then wasted time in gadong, which mash & i sighed cause we both were getting really sick of that place. but we went around there anyway since that was the only place remotely exciting in brunei. we then dropped ikram off and headed out to bandar to get mash's.. wait for it.. B$50.00 worth of satay! how much is that?

B$1.00 = 4 sticks
B$50.00 = 200 sticks!!

anyway, we went around the area but the stall that we were told about was still empty. after going around a few times, we finally went around and asked. we finally hjh halimah! (is that the right name, mash?) there were so many satay, it had to be put in a cake box! why so many? for the bbq that night!

finally, i was home. i had an hour nap before going off again to pick up my dad from the airport. as soon as i sent him home, i went straight to mash's place. the bbq was awesome! i'm sure mash has all the detail in her blog so, i shall just leave that part out. but here's the day's detail that i won't leave out!

funniest thing happened while i was with mash. don't worry mash.. i'm not gonna mention the thing you hit with the back tyre of your car.
she asked me how her driving was..
"it's actually really good for a girl" i answered.
she glares at me. "that's a pretty stereotypical thing to say.."
"no, i'm just saying.. you're a good driver. better than normal women.. infact, you're practically a guy!"

hahaha! i just thought that was hilarious.. couldn't have been funnier if it was thought up by a stand-up comic. hehe. you know i luv u mash.. hehe.

anyway, that's it from me.. i would've put in more details but i post is long enough. oh yeah.. to dee: this is what the elusive banana looks like.

déjà vu?

waida gave me an interesting comment on friendster about déjà vu.. so, i went into research mode and went online to read up on this weird phenomenon. so here it is..

the term déjà vu is french and means, literally, "already seen." there are many different theories as to why déjà vu happens. as much as 70 percent of the population reports having experienced some form of déjà vu. a higher number of incidents occurs in people 15 to 25 years old than in any other age group.

déjà vu has been firmly associated with temporal-lobe epilepsy. reportedly, déjà vu can occur just prior to a temporal-lobe epileptic attack. people suffering an epileptic seizure of this kind can experience déjà vu during the actual seizure activity or in the moments between convulsions.

since déjà vu occurs in individuals with and without a medical condition, there is much speculation as to how and why this phenomenon happens. several psychoanalysts attribute déjà vu to simple fantasy or wish fulfillment, while some psychiatrists ascribe it to a mismatching in the brain that causes the brain to mistake the present for the past. many parapsychologists believe it is related to a past-life experience. as you can see, there are many theories to déjà vu. even though one interesing theory is related to past-life, i on the other hand, am a man of logic. this is why i believe in aliens but not in ghosts or spiritual phenomenons. but these are another topic for another day..anyway, i shall expand on the brain theory.

this involves a glitch in the exquisitely timed processes of perception and cognition. this theory proposes that sensory impressions of a current experience get detoured in the brain and are not immediately perceived. the information is, however, stored as a memory. this split-second delay in cognition creates the unsettling impression that the event is being experienced and recalled simultaneously. to put it simply, the brain screwed up. the new experience was suppose to be put in the 'new items' but mistakenly put in the 'old items'. suddenly, you instantly recall the similar 'past memory' that was mistakenly put in. and that's why we think we've seen or done it before.

whether it's a slip up of the brain, a past life experience or something else entirely, déjà vu will remain one of the mind's most tantalizing and elusive tricks.

marrying a princess

had a few interesting conversations with my mom these couple of days, including the post's title. ':s i was watching tv (e! again ofcourse..) when she suddenly came into the room and said that one of the princes was engaged to a normal girl from tutong. still concentrating on the tv, i just nodded and said, "oh ok.."
"wouldn't it be nice to marry royalty?" she continued.
"i guess.." i said, increasing the volume slightly.
"are you friends with any of the princesses?" she asked with a smile.
i muted the tv and turned to her. "what?" i asked raising an eye brow.
"well, if you marry royalty, your life would be so carefree! so, are you friends with any of them?"
i just laughed and shook my head.
"why are you laughing?? syok jua tu.. you'd have a title and a good life"
i told her, 1. no, i don't know any of them but i do have friends from the extended family but she said that that doesn't count. 2. even if i knew one of the princesses, i would respectfully decline because 3. i don't like the attention and public pressure and 4. i don't like a title.. my name is long enough without one already.

she went on a few more minutes with the advantages of being a royal before she went out of the room. i heard her say under her breath how her son is dumb for rejecting a royal. haha!

the conversation about marrying royalty wasn't the part that weirded me out though.. it was that we were talking about marriage. ':s i guess i almost have a job now and that's what my mom keeps telling me to get first before finding a wife. sigh.. i guess i'm gonna start feeling the pressure like most mid-twenties people in brunei do now.

another conversation with my mom last night was another hilarious one.. she wants me to expand the guest room. ofcourse, i asked why.
"it looks fine they way it is!" i argued.
"it's for when you get married! the room is too small! people will be cramped in there!" she answered. i had to ask..
another reason was that it was membari malu masa raya. sigh.. as if we celebrate raya that festively anyway..

i told her it's still too early to even talk about me getting married, much less extending the house. "6 more years lagi ma.."
"what?? tua sudah tu eh!!!" she gasped in horror. (hahaha!) she got married when she was 21 so at my age now, i'm already considered old..
she went out of the room, again, saying things..
"fine.. you can have your wedding in the kitchen.. i don't care.."
hahahahaha! funny stuff man.. that's my mom everyone. a regular comedian.. even though she doesn't mean to be!

anyway, i shall be signing off like ali! watch this.. you'll know what i mean..

kaka better than ronaldo? definitely

wonderfully seedorf!

calm down ronaldo.. you can't blame gattuso for being awesome

manchester left dumbfounded while...

...milan celebrates!!!

like i said in my previous post.. milan liverpool match, AGAIN. sweet sweet revenge.. GO MILANO! ':)

cucur pisang, travel documents & e!

not much to tell.. just wanted to update cause i know a few people who keeps looking at my blog for an update even though these people are people i see atleast 3 times a week! haha! well, anyway, here it is!

decided to change the template. i got kinda bored with the old one. have been using that for almost a year now.. plus, i got sick of having to fix the darn background. i keep losing it everytime i don't log into the corresponding website which i put the background picture in. this is a just a temporary template. i'm still looking for a design i like.

my father have been feeding me cucur pisang almost everyday since i got back! i'm assuming it's the banana season or something cause we have a lot at home and there's only so much you could do with a banana.. and my dad only knows to cucur them. and he makes them for a family of six when there's actually only 4 of us left at home. yup, it's been really quiet here. my sister's still in uk having a wonderful time (spending lots of money!) and my brother has finally spread his wings and gone out of the house. he's in the army now. 6 weeks of intense training before doing a course in mechanics. didn't get to see him and my dad said he's not suppose to see anyone but he'll try to arrange a meeting before i leave for uk again.

i finally made an i.c.!! haha! what's the big deal? well, those who know the story would let out a sigh of relief! i lost my i.c. when i was in uk the first time around and haven't made one since! that was almost 3 years ago! but it's all good now. i also got my new passport this afternoon. crappy picture ofcourse.. now all i need is to renew my uk visa.. sigh.. errands..

i love astro! as you astro subscribers already know, new channels were made available since the yesterday! more sports channels! (i hate the golf channel though..) but the most addicting one is the e! channel. last night, it kept me up until 5am. i was watching a true hollywood story on jennifer aniston. she's hot.

football tonight! man utd vs ac milan in san siro! it's gonna be liverpool milan final again for sure!

see ya!