i remember when...

do you ever had those times when you just sat down one day and suddenly realised how fast things had changed and wondered how and when did it all happened. when you realised that it was already that time of the year again and you could still remember what happened on the same month last year.

when you realised that the last one year was just a blur. that's what I'm having right now... just look at my blog for example. i have an entry about my 19th birthday. and today is the 6th October. just one more month until my big 20th birthday! goodbye teenage years! but I'm not really going to touch on that matter. i already realised that a year ago. i realised something else...
here i am, in England, all alone and far away from home. here I am, looking after myself. my parents aren't here to do stuff for me. they don't pay my rent here. They don't cook my food. They don't tell me what to do here. I'm basically free. Wow... I have never felt so independent. I have to rely on myself on everything. I have to arrange my travel by myself. I have to buy my own groceries. And with all that, I have to think about my financial status. No more being a child taken care by the mom and dad... it's the end of my childhood…

I'm becoming a 'grown up' now... I look back at my childhood past and there's only one thing to say about it... I'm going to miss it... I'm going to miss it deeply... even though most of it was a blur but I can still remember most of the good things. I remember when I was being promoted to primary 1. I cried outside my old class, not wanting to go to upstairs. I remember living in England for 4 months with the family. I was fortunate enough to have been schooled while we were there as well. I remember my first crush in primary 4. I kept a 1cent coin that she gave me at lunch one day. I remember getting 3As and 2Bs for my PCE and it was the highest in the school.

I remember going to Indonesia on my own because I was one of ten representatives for Brunei. We were there to celebrate 'South East Asia's Kids Week'. It was really cool. Had a blast. I remember being one of the worst student in Ugama school but getting a really good grade in the final exam. How can I forget Ugama School. I had an awesome time back then! There wasn't much studying going on, friends were cool to hang with and bundles of hot girls. I remember the first time I came home late when I was 14. I got back from Jerudong Park at 2am and my parents were absolutely worried! I got one hell of a scolding for that the next day.

Not really much happened between age 14 until 17. I remember going to MD and lived in the hostel. That was like pre-independent. I remember getting my driving license. I remember my first love. I know that it didn't end well but hey, it was first love. Never felt anything like it before. I remember my last day of normal school before my study leave for the A-Level exams. I had the most amazing time with my friends. I won't ever forget that. I remember working at Empire Hotel as I waited for my results. Not too bad for my first job ever. I remember quitting it after I passed an interview with BST.

I remember being at the airport with my family and friends... seeing them for the last time until I get back... I remember crying as I went in. I waved goodbye as the doors slowly shut... tears suddenly came pouring out. When I gave the man my passport, that's when I knew I had to depend on myself from then on. My parents weren't coming with me. My friends weren’t coming with me. My sister wasn't coming with me. I'm the only one who's going. Just me. Now, I have to take care of myself and my responsibilities. sigh... childhood... such an easy life to live. No big responsibilities, no issues to deal with, nothing to think about. I will miss that.

1 month left till the start of a new chapter of my life...
30 days left till the end of an era...
720 hours left till my life really begins...
43200 minutes till entering the realm of adulthood...
2592000 seconds till the end of my childhood...

so, has the past 19 years and 11 months prepared me for what is to come? we shall soon see...wish me luck everyone...