bowling? no thanks!

another weekend in london, another one heck of a time!
as usual, i shocked most of the brunei hall peeps (this is what i shall call them on my blog. hehe) by dropping by on them unexpectedly. it was only that monday i just waved them goodbye. usually my visits would mean, i'm bored to death over at the dead-of-a-town warsash and would very much enjoy the company of my london friends. ':) but this time, however, i came to see my close friend, amy! the last time i saw her here was when she came here the first time! and london was her quick stop before heading home for the summer. so, i didn't want to waste the chance of the usual laughing sessions with her!

so i went to the station at 7.30 in the freakin' morning! i yawned all the way there. you'd be yawning too if slept at 3am after playin' cards all night long.. anyway, poor thing.. i don't know what amy would do without me! she had a lot of heavy luggage! just taking her stuff 30feet to the coffee shop, she had to take short breaks in between! haha!
during her very short stay, we just walked around, hung out and i sent her off that afternoon. too bad she wasn't there for very long.. but i had fun. ':)

the rest of the weekend was definitely not bad either. hung out a lot with waida & farhana! during the nights, we used cards to determine who'd be the 'anak ambuk' (kan far? hehe) and during daylight; window shop, nahar-ing, pool, picture sessions (lots of 'em!) and the so-not my personal favourite, bowling! haha! i had a very fun time guys, thanks a lot!

before i sign off, to everyone who's goin' or already gone for summer holz, have a fun and safe time! enjoy!

picnic

a weekend with cloudless sky and bright sunshine could only mean one thing...
PICNIC!!!
yup, that's what i did with the brunei hall ppl. a good ol' picnic at hyde park! it had been raining for the past few days, so fingers were crossed praying for a sunny day that weekend. early that morning, signs were lookin' good. weather was beautiful, all the food were ready. now, the only thing left was to wait for everyone to get ready. rendezvous time was 1.45pm... ofcourse, we finally left at 2.30pm! it got a bit cloudy which made everyone a bit nervous but no signs of dark clouds.
after a VERY long walk through hyde park, we finally decided to pick a spot in between some trees in front of the lake.

we ate, shisha'd but the most fun part were the games we played! we played all this kiddy game we could think of that we used to play when we were little.
anyway, pictures speak louder than words.

thanks again for the fun weekend guys! sorry i can't be in portsmouth with you.. have fun! i'll see you this weekend!

5 simple words

"I have feelings for you..."

Only 5 simple words but so hard to say. Ever seen those TV dramas where one person has feelings for another, they easily confesses. No matter what love triangles or circumstances they were involved in. They would always come out and tell them. Always. And the drama unfolds from there. and no matter how bad the result in the end will be, it'll work out fine. Don't you wish real life was that simple?
Well, it can. Just go up to the person and just say those 5 simple words.
"I have feelings for you..."
I know you're laughing at my face and think that what I'm saying is one of the stupidest things you've ever heard. Am I really the stupid one? I bet you're sitting there thinking,
he/she won't go for me...
I don't have any chance...

oh really? how can you be so sure? even though you think you have 3% chance the person will go for you, that's still a chance. am i right? what you lack is not confidence... it's courage.
it's been A VERY LONG time since i had butterflies in my stomach. and this time, it's a huge-ass butterfly.. most of the time, i'm not sure what to do. people are rooting for me. but i'm having a hard time rooting for myself. yes.. low-self esteem, i know. but if you know what i'm going for, you'd think the same thing.. the best of everything rolled into this undescribable beauty. and i'm not the only one persuing.. why should i be chosen from the rest? what can i offer that no one else can outdo? people say i'm doing fine. i'm not sure if i am though.. it's very hard to tell from the responses i get. anyone else in the same situation?
here's my advice which i also follow.. be patient. give it your all. if you don't you'll kick yourself in the back side in the future.. if it is everything you'll ever need, you'll definitely wait.. and this butterfly in my stomach is definitely worth the wait...
i know saying it online isn't the same with actually telling them face to face... i didn't say i had that much courage either... hehe. but for now, here goes my amount of courage...

"to that someone out there, i have feelings for you... and if one day you feel the same about me, i'll express this feeling in far more than 5 words..."

i remember when...

do you ever had those times when you just sat down one day and suddenly realised how fast things had changed and wondered how and when did it all happened. when you realised that it was already that time of the year again and you could still remember what happened on the same month last year.

when you realised that the last one year was just a blur. that's what I'm having right now... just look at my blog for example. i have an entry about my 19th birthday. and today is the 6th October. just one more month until my big 20th birthday! goodbye teenage years! but I'm not really going to touch on that matter. i already realised that a year ago. i realised something else...
here i am, in England, all alone and far away from home. here I am, looking after myself. my parents aren't here to do stuff for me. they don't pay my rent here. They don't cook my food. They don't tell me what to do here. I'm basically free. Wow... I have never felt so independent. I have to rely on myself on everything. I have to arrange my travel by myself. I have to buy my own groceries. And with all that, I have to think about my financial status. No more being a child taken care by the mom and dad... it's the end of my childhood…

I'm becoming a 'grown up' now... I look back at my childhood past and there's only one thing to say about it... I'm going to miss it... I'm going to miss it deeply... even though most of it was a blur but I can still remember most of the good things. I remember when I was being promoted to primary 1. I cried outside my old class, not wanting to go to upstairs. I remember living in England for 4 months with the family. I was fortunate enough to have been schooled while we were there as well. I remember my first crush in primary 4. I kept a 1cent coin that she gave me at lunch one day. I remember getting 3As and 2Bs for my PCE and it was the highest in the school.

I remember going to Indonesia on my own because I was one of ten representatives for Brunei. We were there to celebrate 'South East Asia's Kids Week'. It was really cool. Had a blast. I remember being one of the worst student in Ugama school but getting a really good grade in the final exam. How can I forget Ugama School. I had an awesome time back then! There wasn't much studying going on, friends were cool to hang with and bundles of hot girls. I remember the first time I came home late when I was 14. I got back from Jerudong Park at 2am and my parents were absolutely worried! I got one hell of a scolding for that the next day.

Not really much happened between age 14 until 17. I remember going to MD and lived in the hostel. That was like pre-independent. I remember getting my driving license. I remember my first love. I know that it didn't end well but hey, it was first love. Never felt anything like it before. I remember my last day of normal school before my study leave for the A-Level exams. I had the most amazing time with my friends. I won't ever forget that. I remember working at Empire Hotel as I waited for my results. Not too bad for my first job ever. I remember quitting it after I passed an interview with BST.

I remember being at the airport with my family and friends... seeing them for the last time until I get back... I remember crying as I went in. I waved goodbye as the doors slowly shut... tears suddenly came pouring out. When I gave the man my passport, that's when I knew I had to depend on myself from then on. My parents weren't coming with me. My friends weren’t coming with me. My sister wasn't coming with me. I'm the only one who's going. Just me. Now, I have to take care of myself and my responsibilities. sigh... childhood... such an easy life to live. No big responsibilities, no issues to deal with, nothing to think about. I will miss that.

1 month left till the start of a new chapter of my life...
30 days left till the end of an era...
720 hours left till my life really begins...
43200 minutes till entering the realm of adulthood...
2592000 seconds till the end of my childhood...

so, has the past 19 years and 11 months prepared me for what is to come? we shall soon see...wish me luck everyone...

lucky me

here i am, sitting on a bench in Bournemouth Square. just sitting here sipping hot chocolate and just enjoying the warm sun and the cool breeze. it's a nice weather today. for the past few days, i've been freezing my ass off and wondered where the hell was summer. i have to adjust to the climate here. i HAVE to, cause i'm staying here for three years. everyone says i'm lucky for being here, well, in a way, it is true. i'll be studying here for three years and get paid for doing it. for this first three months, i'm just studying simple, dull english. so, it's more like a three month vacation really. then the real studying starts.

after my course, i will have a good career with a REALLY nice pay. while i'm here, i get to taste new food. i get to meet new people from all over Europe. i get to experience new things that i can't back at home like going clubbing, hang out at parks, go to real concerts and go to pubs. but am i really lucky? if you just think about those positives things, then yeah, i'm one lucky bastard. but you're forgetting one thing - i'm sham...there's always a downside. when something good happens to me, there's always a catch. whether it'd be something bad happens to me or maybe i wake up after that or i have to make a sacrifice for it. this time, it was the latter. i had to make a sacrifice...a big one. for being here, i had to leave my family, my sister (a person whom i can't live without..i love you and i miss you so much sis), my friends (they are my world..can't imagine my life without them) and her (my everything..my reason) my life was fine. perfect even! everything was coming together. my dream was actually a reality. i was truly happy. but no, i had to have drama in my life.

like any TV drama, a simple boy meets girl but girl rejects. but in the end, girl likes boy and boy still likes girl just won't do. it'd be too dull for the viewer. there has to be a twist. there's always a twist. the 'producers' of my life must've thought that me getting a chance of a life time and had to leave immediately just when things got started was an excellent episode for the 'show'. "eveything happens for a reason..." i hate the crappy quote! it's an excuse for everything that happens, good or bad! so what do you think will happen to me next?! tune in next week's show! SHAM the LUCKIEST UNLUCKY MAN! sigh...