i remember when...

do you ever had those times when you just sat down one day and suddenly realised how fast things had changed and wondered how and when did it all happened. when you realised that it was already that time of the year again and you could still remember what happened on the same month last year.

when you realised that the last one year was just a blur. that's what I'm having right now... just look at my blog for example. i have an entry about my 19th birthday. and today is the 6th October. just one more month until my big 20th birthday! goodbye teenage years! but I'm not really going to touch on that matter. i already realised that a year ago. i realised something else...
here i am, in England, all alone and far away from home. here I am, looking after myself. my parents aren't here to do stuff for me. they don't pay my rent here. They don't cook my food. They don't tell me what to do here. I'm basically free. Wow... I have never felt so independent. I have to rely on myself on everything. I have to arrange my travel by myself. I have to buy my own groceries. And with all that, I have to think about my financial status. No more being a child taken care by the mom and dad... it's the end of my childhood…

I'm becoming a 'grown up' now... I look back at my childhood past and there's only one thing to say about it... I'm going to miss it... I'm going to miss it deeply... even though most of it was a blur but I can still remember most of the good things. I remember when I was being promoted to primary 1. I cried outside my old class, not wanting to go to upstairs. I remember living in England for 4 months with the family. I was fortunate enough to have been schooled while we were there as well. I remember my first crush in primary 4. I kept a 1cent coin that she gave me at lunch one day. I remember getting 3As and 2Bs for my PCE and it was the highest in the school.

I remember going to Indonesia on my own because I was one of ten representatives for Brunei. We were there to celebrate 'South East Asia's Kids Week'. It was really cool. Had a blast. I remember being one of the worst student in Ugama school but getting a really good grade in the final exam. How can I forget Ugama School. I had an awesome time back then! There wasn't much studying going on, friends were cool to hang with and bundles of hot girls. I remember the first time I came home late when I was 14. I got back from Jerudong Park at 2am and my parents were absolutely worried! I got one hell of a scolding for that the next day.

Not really much happened between age 14 until 17. I remember going to MD and lived in the hostel. That was like pre-independent. I remember getting my driving license. I remember my first love. I know that it didn't end well but hey, it was first love. Never felt anything like it before. I remember my last day of normal school before my study leave for the A-Level exams. I had the most amazing time with my friends. I won't ever forget that. I remember working at Empire Hotel as I waited for my results. Not too bad for my first job ever. I remember quitting it after I passed an interview with BST.

I remember being at the airport with my family and friends... seeing them for the last time until I get back... I remember crying as I went in. I waved goodbye as the doors slowly shut... tears suddenly came pouring out. When I gave the man my passport, that's when I knew I had to depend on myself from then on. My parents weren't coming with me. My friends weren’t coming with me. My sister wasn't coming with me. I'm the only one who's going. Just me. Now, I have to take care of myself and my responsibilities. sigh... childhood... such an easy life to live. No big responsibilities, no issues to deal with, nothing to think about. I will miss that.

1 month left till the start of a new chapter of my life...
30 days left till the end of an era...
720 hours left till my life really begins...
43200 minutes till entering the realm of adulthood...
2592000 seconds till the end of my childhood...

so, has the past 19 years and 11 months prepared me for what is to come? we shall soon see...wish me luck everyone...

lucky me

here i am, sitting on a bench in Bournemouth Square. just sitting here sipping hot chocolate and just enjoying the warm sun and the cool breeze. it's a nice weather today. for the past few days, i've been freezing my ass off and wondered where the hell was summer. i have to adjust to the climate here. i HAVE to, cause i'm staying here for three years. everyone says i'm lucky for being here, well, in a way, it is true. i'll be studying here for three years and get paid for doing it. for this first three months, i'm just studying simple, dull english. so, it's more like a three month vacation really. then the real studying starts.

after my course, i will have a good career with a REALLY nice pay. while i'm here, i get to taste new food. i get to meet new people from all over Europe. i get to experience new things that i can't back at home like going clubbing, hang out at parks, go to real concerts and go to pubs. but am i really lucky? if you just think about those positives things, then yeah, i'm one lucky bastard. but you're forgetting one thing - i'm sham...there's always a downside. when something good happens to me, there's always a catch. whether it'd be something bad happens to me or maybe i wake up after that or i have to make a sacrifice for it. this time, it was the latter. i had to make a sacrifice...a big one. for being here, i had to leave my family, my sister (a person whom i can't live without..i love you and i miss you so much sis), my friends (they are my world..can't imagine my life without them) and her (my everything..my reason) my life was fine. perfect even! everything was coming together. my dream was actually a reality. i was truly happy. but no, i had to have drama in my life.

like any TV drama, a simple boy meets girl but girl rejects. but in the end, girl likes boy and boy still likes girl just won't do. it'd be too dull for the viewer. there has to be a twist. there's always a twist. the 'producers' of my life must've thought that me getting a chance of a life time and had to leave immediately just when things got started was an excellent episode for the 'show'. "eveything happens for a reason..." i hate the crappy quote! it's an excuse for everything that happens, good or bad! so what do you think will happen to me next?! tune in next week's show! SHAM the LUCKIEST UNLUCKY MAN! sigh...

fat

“I’m fat!” my friend keeps saying to us all. As usual, we all stare at her more than gorgeous face and her nice figure. “You are not fat!” we kept saying to her. What she was talking about, I had no idea. She wasn’t the only one. Another friend of mine asked whether I thought she was fat. What?! Of course, I told her she was being totally weird and that she’s cute, which is actually really TRUE! So, it got me thinking. What is the problem here? These pretty girls have worries about their looks, what about other people who really are ‘externally challenged’?

So, here’s my theory on why and how to overcome it. Who can blame you for feeling less than perfect when everyday you are bombarded with images of flawless, thin models with perfect skin and body? There are also countless advertisements for dieting products, which press upon you how great, you can look and feel if you could lose those extra kilos. But before you assume you got your figure figured and jump into a crash diet, learn these facts about body shape and diets. Stop comparing Do you find yourself body parts with models in magazines? “Oh if only I had her hips,” you might wish. But remember that models are helped by professional make-up, flattering light and re-touching to remove any blemishes before the magazine goes to print.

If you had all that help, you’d look great too. Accept your body shape Everyone has his or her own unique body shape, which is pre-determined by your genes. Children with one large parent have a 40% chance of being large, while children with two heavy parents have an 80% chance of being that size also. So while a good diet and exercise can trim your figure, it can’t change it totally. Your body is still changing In your teen years, your body will go through a lot of changes. You are growing taller, developing curves and loosing some of that baby fat. So, don’t let a little flab or a flat chest freak you out. Give your body time to develop. More than looks How you look is only one aspect of you. What about the rest of the great qualities you posses? A wonderful personality, sense of humor and talent are just as important.

Looks can change and wilt with age, but these qualities are for life! Enhance your asset Everyone has beautiful, outstanding features. Yours could be your big eyes, long legs or sexy lips. Learn how to enhance and draw attention to these features with clothes, make-up and hairstyle. Enjoy the compliments Do you tend to brush aside compliments like when someone says how great you look in an outfit? They are just being nice, you might think. Learn to accept compliments graciously and trust that they are true. In turn, find something positive to say about other people. Ignore the insults We all know people who make it their job to put other people down. If you have friend like this, ignore them. Nothing good comes out comes out their mouth anyway so switch them off. So, there it is. At least, that’s what I think. But you’ve got to admit that at least some if not all that what I said is true. So, why not follow my advice and feel good about yourself! Sham, signing out.